Tuesday, May 7, 2019

FUBAR

I'm sure most of you are familiar with that acronym. The last 7 weeks have pretty much gone south here at Runamuck. First off, to all who have sent private e-mails to me wondering WTF, well, thank YOU! My mother has been in and out of the hospital, regardless of the cancer being stable she is basically given up. Her confusion has deepened, she refuses to eat or drink or do anything but sit and wait to die. At this point in those rare lucid moments she has refused all life extending measures. There really is no point in rehydrating her, and such if in a weeks time she is going to be in the same condition. We had talked about this when she first got sick, so it was no surprise to me she refused this weekend to have any more blood draws, urine samples or fluids. She is moving into the health center and hospice is being brought in to make her as comfortable as possible as we have arrived at the end game. It seems like I've done nothing but watch both my parents die since 2015 and it makes me sore of heart and head.
I'm posting this now so I don't have to explain a number of times. I'll be back to blogging. I don't know when but no doubt I'll crawl out by fall to at least bitch about another hot smokey summer!
Please excuse me if I don't always answer e-mail. I have spent very little time on the internet and dealing with the day to day reality of it is about as much as I'm willing to handle right now. Talking about it all is like ripping a fresh scab off.
So again, thank you for checking in with me. It's not a great moment in time but forward is the only option.
As Arnold famously said, "I'll be back."

16 comments:

Michelle said...

Big hugs. I wish Calgon could take us BOTH away right now. And our failing government and faltering planet only exacerbate the emotional burdens of family and old animals.

Valerie said...

Thanks for taking the time to post Theresa. I've wondered how you are doing in the silence. Big hugs to you at this difficult time.

ElleC said...

I am so sorry that you are having such a difficult time. I only wish I had the magic words to make things easier for you, but alas, I don't. Ny thoughts will be with you.

Thank you for posting and letting us know, I was worried and wondering how you were.

Ellie said...

I am sorry it has been a painful and challenging time. We have missed you! Loss is painful and exhausting while you find your way through it. Know we care and hope you take the time you need to take care of yourself.

Retired Knitter said...

So many of us have walked this same road as you - watching parents fail and give up in old age. My heart goes out to you. My mom died in 2014 - after 8 years of my caregiving and struggle to keep her going - then end was one long year. It is heart breaking. Take whatever time you need.

Feeling your pain
Elaine

beckster said...

Your present life demands are exhausting, and there is not way around it. I hope you find peace in the process of letting go. Then I hope you rest up, reflect, and come back here when the time is right. We will be patiently waiting. Take good care of you.

Lynne K said...

I am so sorry you are walking this road. We have been there with all of our parents and it is NOT, was not and will not be a fun part of our live's.

I am thinking of you and sending warm dog snuggles and untangled threads and always having the exact color you want on the shelf

Look forward to having you back when you are ready.

Susan said...

I'm sure you know that there are many of us that have your back. And that you can reach out at any time, day or night, if you need us. Especially some of 'us' that never seem to sleep. An extra large economy sized hug to you and the terriers (and Mandy). It is amazing to realize how much sorrow we can deal with, how large our capacity for caring and feeling. Be sure to take time for yourself, my dear T.

Alison said...

sending you kindhearted thoughts and strengthening wishes in such a difficult time...

nestki said...

I’ve missed you. Do what you have to do. Rest when you can. Picture your internet friends holding you up, holding you together, doubling the strength in your arms and legs. I look forward to your return, though not the reason why. You might not have heard from me before. In addition to all the other reasons I love your blog, I am paying close attention because my parents live where your mom is now.

Yvonne said...

My thoughts, too, are with you. It's been 11 years since my Mom & Stepdad passed within months of each other. I remember taking a bouquet of lilacs to her the day that she passed, and I always think of her when lilacs are in bloom. She, too, had fought the good fight, but her time was done and she was ready to go. Peace be with you both.
Yvonne in Bellingham WA

Moosiemoose said...

My heart aches for you.
Your blogging has been such a joy to me I wish I could give you something back to help. I went through something similar a year ago. Its just so hard. I wish you peace and comfort. We will all be waiting when you are ready to come back to the blog. Jean

Peg Cherre said...

I figured things weren't going well with Mom. So sorry. Thinking about you often, and sending hugs.

Diane in Oregon said...

So sorry to read your news. All peace and strength to you and your Mom on this journey.

Leigh said...

I'm so sorry to hear that you're in such a difficult time. I will be thinking of you and sending hugs.

Yvonne said...

Hi Theresa - Just wanted to check in and tell you that you and your Mom are in my thoughts. Peace to you and yours.
Yvonne in Bellingham WA